


Shutting Up The Wiseass

by AnnaRaven



Series: Tumblr Smut Prompts [7]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: M/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 13:26:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11829678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaRaven/pseuds/AnnaRaven
Summary: A therapeutic yoga session turns a little sexy...





	Shutting Up The Wiseass

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a smut prompt on Tumblr - Kaidan Alenko/Joker Moreau/Pinning the other against the wall

_This is all Chakwas’s fault_ , Joker fumed to himself, wincing at the ache in his legs and back. She was the one who’d suggested he do some physical therapy to strengthen his muscles and help build bone mass. She was the one who’d insisted that some low-impact exercise like yoga would be beneficial to his condition. And she was the one who’d told him that Wonderboy Alenko was quite the yoga expert.

“Do you need to stop?” Kaidan asked.

Joker glanced over; the man was standing there in his sweats and tank top, cool and unruffled, while Joker felt like a sweating, red-faced mess. “No,” he said gruffly. “I don’t quit that easily.”

“It’s not about being a quitter,” Kaidan said, a frown marring that perfect brow. “It’s about knowing your limits.”

“What, because you’re the handsome little soldier boy and I’m just the funny cripple?” Joker snapped back. The pain and frustration had made him irritable, and something about Alenko just plain got under his skin anyway.

“No,” Kaidan said, the frown deepening. “I don’t think of you like that at all. We all have our limits and it’s stupid to try to push past them.”

“Right. Stupid, that’s me,” Joker said. He was being an idiot and he knew it, but that just intensified the odd, prickling tension in his body.

Kaidan looked bewildered. “I have no idea what this is, but I’m sorry if I’ve pissed you off.”

“Do you have to be so fucking _Canadian_ all the time?” Joker seethed, taking a few hobbling steps closer. “I’m being an A-grade asshole to you and you’re apologising for it?”

“Fine, you’re right – you _are_ an asshole,” Kaidan snapped back. “I don’t know why I ever agreed to help you in the first place.”

“Because you like to feel superior to the poor little gimpy kid,” Joker said, pushing his buttons, liking the anger sparking in those deep brown eyes.

“I said I don’t think of you that way,” Kaidan said, stepping closer too. “So stop trying to get a rise out of me.”

“You sure about that?” Joker asked, right up in Kaidan’s face now, close enough to smell the sweat beaded along his hairline. “Only in my experience, big, tough Marines like to think they’re better than me. They don’t think I’d be able to do something like this.” And he shoved Kaidan hard, slamming his back against the wall.

“What the hell?” Kaidan fumed, but was cut off by Joker’s lips crashing against his.

Kaidan’s body stiffened and he grabbed Joker’s shoulders, pushing him back just enough to speak. “Wait…what is this? Is this meant to be some kind of a joke?”

“Does it feel like a joke?” Joker asked, pressing his burgeoning erection against Kaidan.

He was taking a risk, but he was sick of ignoring his attraction. He knew he hadn’t imagined the looks they exchanged when nobody was around, and he’d definitely caught the lieutenant staring at his ass more than once. But the longer Kaidan just looked at him, the more nervous he got.

After forever, Kaidan licked his lips and said, “If it is a joke, it’s not funny.”

“When I mean to be funny, I am,” Joker said, firmly pushing against Kaidan’s grip until their torsos bumped together. “So I guess that means I’m being serious.”

“Thank fuck for that,” Kaidan said, then grasped his face and kissed him.

Joker would deny under interrogation how much he loved the feeling of Kaidan’s hands on him, strong and secure. The man kissed like Joker had known he would, so thoroughly and skilfully, and he bit down on Kaidan’s scarred lip just to get a reaction.

Joker palmed Kaidan’s pecs through his sweaty tank and then moved a hand down between them, sliding it easily under the waistband of his sweats. Kaidan gasped against his lips. “Isn’t this a little fast?” he asked, pleasingly breathless even as his cock jumped in Joker’s hand.

“Sorry, should I have taken you out for milkshakes first?” Joker replied, licking a bead of sweat from Kaidan’s throat before biting down. He loved the noises Kaidan was making, the way his chest juddered and his cock swelled under his touch.

Joker stroked him in twisting, lazy strokes while biting his throat, his other hand exploring underneath Kaidan’s vest. The feel of hard muscle moving under smooth skin was intoxicating, the ridges of Kaidan’s abs so perfectly defined. He moved up, thumbing a stiff nipple; Kaidan’s cock leapt against his palm and the sighing, moaning sound he made had Joker rigid as a steel piston in his pants.

“Do you need to stop?” Joker asked, mimicking Kaidan’s words from before.

“Don’t you dare,” Kaidan gasped, and the thumb stroking Joker’s cheekbone was gentle even as his grip tightened.

Joker kissed him again, unable to resist those full, reddened lips. Kaidan moaned and there was a hint of Joker’s name in it, so he sped up his hand and pinched Kaidan’s nipple and loved every second of the pulsing, messy, wank-fantasy orgasm that wracked the lieutenant’s body. The look on Kaidan’s face would stay with him forever; his eyes closed tight, his mouth parted, one perfect curl stuck to his brow. _That’s taking the number one slot in the old spank bank_ , he thought, grinning to himself. Then those eyes opened and fixed on Joker, and the heat in their hazy depths reminded him of his aching, untouched cock.

Kaidan grinned, a wickedness in it that Joker had only imagined before, and he turned Joker so that his back was against the wall. Much as he hated being coddled, Joker was oddly touched by the care that Kaidan took not to jar him.

“My turn,” Kaidan said. He pressed his face against Joker’s neck, sucking and kissing the stubbled skin. He groped Joker through his shorts for a moment before moving his hand under the waistband; when his fingers touched Joker’s cock he thought for an embarrassing moment that he was going to come just from that.

“So what’s this move called?” Joker gasped, falling back on humour to claw back some control. “Standing Half Crouch Warrior Wank pose?”

Kaidan laughed, husky and low. “Actually, I think this is a move of my own invention, which means I get to name it. So let’s go with…Shutting Up The Wiseass pose.”

“Yeah? I’m still talking if you hadn’t no - ” Kaidan’s tongue slipped between his lips, shutting him up.

He was a damn good kisser, attentive and generous, the slide of his tongue matching the rhythm of his hand until Joker was gasping, trembling, desperate to come.

“Next time we’re doing this in your pilot’s chair,” Kaidan said into his mouth, and Joker made an undignified squeak as a pulsing, fizzing pleasure tightened his balls and he came hard in Kaidan’s hand.

Joker laughed, his head dropping to Kaidan’s strong shoulder.

“What’s so funny?” Kaidan asked, his clean hand soothing up and down Joker’s back.

“Nothing. I was just thinking that I owe Dr Chakwas a muffin basket.”


End file.
